Plato's Lost Dialogue

Current wisdom suggests that the first complex organism evolved many moons ago (600 million years or so, give or take) by two single cells bumping heads, and joining together. Imagine that; over two billion years of single cells – gizillions of them - going about their daily business, and then, for no apparent reason, two of them get stuck together.  It must have sent shockwaves through the cell community.  Never before – anywhere in the universe as far as we know – had such an event occurred.  What a brazen leap! And then the damned thing had the cheek to started reproducing.  Suddenly we have plants, and then fish, amphibians, mammals, lizards and birds.  A short six million years ago our first human ancestor appears.  And the rest, as they say, is history. Sounds pretty fanciful, doesn’t it? Evolution.  If it weren’t supported by years of research and study, you wouldn’t believe it.  But there it is, the details may be tweaked and clarifi...

Zeus and Hera: the Ross and Rachel of the Pantheon.  From the moment she emerged out of their father’s stomach, covered in blood and slime, Zeus had lusted after his older sister.  But Hera wasn’t an easy catch; she had morals (of a fashion), and so Zeus had been ‘forced’ to consider other, easier, options.  Time and time again Zeus pursued his sister.  Time and time again, she refused him.  But he wasn’t to be deterred.  By hook or by crook, he would have his way. After testing the whole marriage thing out with a few others (check out 'We need to talk about Zeus' Parts 1 and 2), Zeus decided that he was ready.  He was a man.  A powerful man with powerful friends.  A man who knew how to take care of business.  A man who could destroy worlds as easily as he could create them.  A man who had the world at his feet - literally.  A man who was going places.  What woman in her right mind could deny such a man? With the sam...

With his first wife, Metis, under permanent house arrest (her house being Zeus’ body), Zeus was single again.  But not for long.  A bit like Henry VIII, Zeus liked to throw himself back into the ring as quickly as he could.  This time his eyes fell on Themis – a primordial Titaness and Zeus’ auntie. Themis was an unusual match for Zeus.  She presided over the ancient oracles (including the one that prophesised that Zeus’ mystery son with Metis would one day overthrow him).  She was wise and knew all about divine law, justice and morality.  Zeus was…well…Zeus, but they say opposites attract, don’t they?  She probably saw Zeus as a “fixer-upper”. What can we say about Zeus and Themis?  Not a lot really.  They seemed to get on for a while, and the marriage was fruitful in that she bore him a few children who had important roles to play, but other than that no major events occurred. So who were the children?  Three (Thallo, Auxo and Ca...

Before I begin, a disclaimer.  Zeus was a bad god.  A very bad god.  He was, amongst many other things (and to be blunt), a serial rapist.  He might have considered himself an irresistible Lothario, but he wasn’t - he was a rapist.  And in the myths this was neither frowned upon nor considered unusual.  In fact, more often than not, the woman was seen to be at fault and suffered the appalling wrath of Zeus’ (eventual) wife, Hera, for having had the cheek of being so damn appealing to her husband.  Whilst I might not comment any further on the patriarchal wrongs of Greek mythology in this blog series (if you do want to read something which challenges misogyny within the Greek myths, check out Nikita Gills's “Great Goddesses: Life Lessons from Myths and Monsters”), I also – for the record – do not in any way condone the behaviour of the sky god. Another small point.  One rule that all Greek gods and goddesses had to follow – the main rule - was th...

Buried beneath the rubble of Mount Othrys, the Titans met their Waterloo.  After ten years of warfare the Olympians had victory; a victory made possible thanks to superior weaponry and a determined leader.  But as Zeus hauled his foe from the rubble, he had a problem: what to do with an immortal enemy.  First he found Atlas stumbling around dazed and confused, a large bump on his head after cracking a few too many rocks on his head.  Thanks to his pivotal role in the war, Atlas was given a special punishment of holding up the sky on his shoulders.  There was little chance of escape or rest (just try sitting in a squat for a minute); if he moved, everyone would know about it.  Zeus sent the rest of the Titans who fought against him to Tartarus and appointed the Hecatonchires (his hundred armed uncles who had bombarded the Titans with rocks to earn victory for the Olympians) to guard them.  You could argue that being appointed as prison guards for et...

“Clash of the Titans” and its sequel “Wrath of the Titans” have (in my humble opinion) provided the general public with a very confused and misleading view of the role of the Titans in Greek mythology.  Some might say the films do a disservice to one of the greatest wars ever conjured up; a family war which ravaged on for ten brutal years and led to seismic shifts in the world order. Readers of this blog may recall from “Keeping up with the Greek Deities” that we left it at the point at which Cronus, the leader of the Titans, was poisoned by his son, Zeus, and forced to throw up the rest of his children (I’ll let you read the blog to discover how and why they found themselves inside of Cronus in the first place) and that this sparked the war.  Before we carry on, let’s meet the key players… Fighting for the Titans on Mount Othrys we have: • Cronus – first generation Titan and ruler of the Titans.  Slightly crazy with unusual eating habits. • Coeus – brother to Cr...

If you feel like you have family problems then read on, because they will soon pale into insignificance. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? There was chaos.  And then there was Gaia (Mother Earth) and her husband Ouranos (Father Sky); they were the Greek primordial deities.  There were other primordial deities (including Tartarus, of whom we shall hear more about later), but we don’t need to get too bogged down with them now.  By some accounts Ouranos was conceived by Gaia alone (a virgin birth), which would make Ouranos both Gaia’s husband and son (it’s a minor taboo in comparison to what’s about to come).  Together they ruled over the world, and every night Ouranos would…attend to Gaia. Gaia gave birth to twelve Titans (other than Cronus and Rhea we don’t need to know their names right now) as well as three Cyclopes (giant one-eyed creatures) and three Hecatoncheires (creatures with one hundred hands).  Quite what Cronus and Rhea were doing the nig...

“Hermes!  How…unexpected.”  Epimetheus grimaced as he opened the door. “Yes, just thought I’d pop by.  See how thing are going.” “Well do come in, can’t have you hopping about on my doorstep like that.  And what’s that you’ve got behind you?  It looks awfully intriguing.” “Indeed.  This is something we’ve just created.  Hot off the production line.  It’s a ‘fe-male’.  Like you, but with other bits and pieces, which I’ll let you find out in your own good time.” “Does it have a name?” “Yes – Pandora.  Come, show yourself my dear.  Don’t be shy.  That’s it.  Let him get a good look at you.” “Pandora you say?”  Epimetheus looked at the strange creation and felt a strange feeling in his heart.  He was suddenly lost for words.  “We’re thinking of mass producing them but wanted to do some market research first,” continued Hermes.  “So, what do you think?” “Well, she’s…erm.  She’s certainly.  ...